Happiness and a glimpse of relief

We have had two pretty great days. Two days where we did some "normal" family things... and things actually went pretty well, all things considered. I'm not sure if you realize how huge this is. It started on Sunday with spending the day at my parents' house, swimming and playing. No huge meltdowns, no big fights, nothing too crazy happened. Just a nice, fun day spent with the family. Was it perfect? Certainly not. But an improvement, for sure. Transitions are probably one of the toughest things for my daughter, so leaving is never easy. Of course she will do anything to stay, (and often anything to be defiant as well) so the obvious choice for her was to jump in the pool naked after Mommy told her pool time was over. I choose my battles, I do... and let me tell you, I have to, otherwise ALL I would do is discipline this child and never enjoy her. It wasn't THAT big of a deal, although she did, in fact, not listen to me. But she had such a good day up to that point... whatever, I just dried her off, got her dressed, and we left... no real harm done.

Yesterday we went with my whole family to an amusement and water park. Daddy had to work, and I was very hesitant to take both kiddos on my own, so I made sure that my parents were willing to help me- someone always being designated to one of my kids. It can be, at times, like I actually have two 2 year-old boys, if you know what I mean.  Well, the whole family stepped in and grandparents, aunts, and uncles helped me tremendously!! My daughter loves her cousins SO much, and wanted to be with them every second, so I thank God that everyone helped and was willing to take responsibility for my daughter when I had to stay back with my son, etc. I really am so blessed with amazing families on both sides. Again, the day wasn't without... situations, but it really went so well. Even 6 months ago, I don't know if she would have walked hand-in-hand... not darted and run away from us constantly... (she only did twice) not melted down at least 5 times (she only really had 1 or 2 small ones)... or let me leave her side (she did!). I'm learning, slowly but surely, what her triggers are, how to see them coming and how to avoid them as much as possible, and within reason. Like I said, some of that is picking and choosing my battles. There are some things I just HAVE to put my foot down about, and there are some things that are small, and just aren't worth it, ESPECIALLY in a place like we were yesterday. The meltdown can be so severe, and can last for SO long, (it has up to an hour- and I mean an hour at FULL-BLOWN meltdown... and remember, she is 4 1/2 years old) that I just can't put my foot down on everything if ANYONE is to have any fun. Some may call this "letting her get away with things," when the behavioral specialists we have gotten to help us call it "avoiding her triggers,"- again, within reason. I have mixed feelings about some of this, as I want my daughter to learn that you JUST LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS, you know? This is the way the world works. Mommy and Daddy (and grandparents, aunts, and uncles) really do know best, we're trying to keep you safe and teach you right from wrong. But one of my daughter's many team members said something to me the other day that helped me to understand. She said, "I'm sorry, but your daughter IS different. You have to do things differently. And some people may not understand. But that's ok. It HAS to be ok with you, or you're never going to get anywhere. The sooner you realize and accept this, the better off you and your daughter are going to be." She explained the tantrum behavior and what it turns into for my daughter- how it will turn into a full-blown tantrum that she can't come out of, because she has an actual physical reaction sometimes, depending upon several different things- perhaps her blood sugar levels, for one thing (which is one trigger we are picking up on as a possibility). Her physical reactions actually trigger anxiety and then panic and perseveration... no one knows until they see this happen.

We are learning this is going to take work. We are learning that she simply DOES NOT HAVE, or is SEVERELY LACKING, the coping skills she SHOULD have developed naturally. It's just something that happens, and is all a part of her different diagnoses put together. We are learning that this is a marathon, not a sprint, when we obviously want it to be a sprint. But it just doesn't work that way. It's going to be little steps at a time, with alot of people involved, and all of them on the same page.  The goals on her treatment plan I received from her BSC (Master's level behavioral specialist) include:

Will develop compliance skills and will decrease defiant and aggressive outbursts.

Measurable Objectives

·         will display a decrease in aggressive behaviors(ie. Hitting, screaming, throwing things) to around 20% of the time and measured using frequency and duration recording and reports from family members and teacher

·         will display a reduction of tantrum behaviors(i.e. crying, whining, etc) goal to around 20% of the time using frequency and duration recording and reports from family members and teachers

·         will follow through with a request within 0-2 prompts about 80% of the time.

·         will eliminate her manipulative behavior in order to get her wants and needs met.

·         will reduce her impulsive behaviors to around 20% of the opportunity.

Will develop age appropriate social skills and will expand play, reducing behaviors 80% of the time.

Measurable Objectives

 ·        will engage in age appropriate interactions 80% of the time without displays of aggression

·         When interacting with her peers she will not dominate play 80% of the time.

·         She will interact with her brother in a gentle manner 100% of the time

Will increase focus and awareness of her environment with 80% accuracy.

Measurable Objectives

·         When in the community, will respond to adult instructions and safety command (e.g. STOP) within 1 prompt 100% of the time

·         When in public or unfamiliar setting, will stay with in arm’s length of familiar adult with 100% accuracy.

·         will increase attention to task to 10 minutes 80% of the time

The treatment plan includes antecedent intervention strategies, replacement intervention strategies, and consequence intervention strategies. It is all VERY overwhelming to think about, and I know it's going to be even more overwhelming to implement. I think one strategy that's going to be hard for us is "planned ignoring." I already do it sometimes- but essentially any "attention-seeking" behavior should be ignored. Holy smokes- that's ALOT of behaviors for our daughter. How in the world are we going to do that? And how in the world am I going to get over the fact that I'm afraid people will think I'm not doing my job, when in fact it is a RECOMMENDED INTERVENTION STRATEGY for my daughter? I wish I didn't care what people think. I need to work on this.


I think one of the hardest things for us is dealing with her off-the-charts impulsivity. She can be SO impulsive sometimes. We have been told, by her therapist and by a psychologist, that she seems to be missing the "stop and think" piece of what most people have, which is "stop, think, do." This can be anything from dumping a glass of water or grabbing things off of counters to running away in a parking lot to see something she wants to see, or even when she will yell and scream mean things sometimes. It can be so frustrating, but we are doing our best to understand that there are some things SHE JUST CAN'T HELP. Something is not working correctly in her little brain to tell her to "stop and think." It angers my husband, and yes it angers me, too. Now, this is not everything, and that's where it gets even tougher, as there are times that she is just being manipulative and does know what she's doing, and this is one of the biggest challenges... trying to tell one from the other.


Either way, I'm really very proud of how she handled herself the last two days. It makes me feel like maybe we are making progress, even if it's little by little... but this felt really big. :)