A Mother's Quest to Help her Daughter... and to be Completely Honest Along the Way

This is more than just bad behavior. This is more than just a child acting like a little brat. This is more than parents who don't discipline correctly or give in too much. This is more than just "a kid being a kid." A mother's instincts- from the age of 15 months- are rarely wrong. Her teachers were not wrong. The pediatrician, psychologists, therapist, (who has seen her weekly for 8 months now) and other mental health professionals... are not wrong. I wish it were as simple as some may think. Put your foot down. Don't give in. Show her who's boss. Be consistent. You're the parent. So easy to say when you don't live with it 24/7. So easy to do that with your kid when he/she may need discipline or parental intervention a few times a day- even once or twice an hour. So easy to see me and what I do/don't do and pass judgment.

I think what's hard for people to understand... even for me to understand sometimes, is that my daughter can have moments... minutes, hours, sometimes (although rarely) even whole days of normalcy... total and complete typical child behavior. She has the ability to focus, even hyper-focus, on things of great interest to her. It is at these times that the thought crosses one's mind... maybe nothing really is going on. But trust me... there is.

There are things that people say to parents that just don't help- they may even hurt. Please don't say: "I really don't think there's anything wrong," or "Maybe they were wrong," or "She can't have -insert diagnosis here- because -insert reason here." You never know how long a parent may have been dealing with this... how long it may have taken them to come to grips with the fact that something more might be going on... how long it may have taken them to pick up the phone and make that appt. for an evaluation... and how long it may have taken them to finally accept the answers they received, not to mention how long it may have taken them to actually share that with you. Please don't give parenting advice if you don't have a child with similar special needs, or if you don't work as a professional in dealing with children who have similar special needs. It doesn't help, and in fact can make me feel quite inadequate. I promise you, I am doing everything I can. I have already enlisted the help of several professionals to help me figure out what to do. It's slow-going, but it's a start. And what works for one child, your neuro-typical child, most likely will not work for my child. What you can and should say to someone who is parenting a child with special needs, and you want to help and be supportive, is: YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. If you know that parent is doing everything out of love, and what they truly feel is best, even if it's not what you would do.... tell them they are doing GREAT. Sometimes that's all someone needs to hear to give them that little extra boost to get them through the day. :)