Back to school

Holy back-to-school jitters!! And I mean for Mommy!!! School starts tomorrow and I am nervous. This is definitely the most nervous I have been. This is my daughter's third (and final) year of preschool... you would think I'd be okay... but so much has changed. There was no separation anxiety when she entered the 2 year-old class... she practically shoved me out the door. :) Same thing for the 3 year-old class... anxiety didn't start until November of that year. So this is the first year we will be dealing with this on the first day of school, and there's SO much more than just that. For one, she will be going into the 5 year-old class. By birthday cut-off date, she should have gone into the 4 year-old class (though only by 6 weeks). We went back and forth about what to do... what would be best for our daughter. The majority of her classmates last year were 6-9 months younger than her, and I swear this isn't a bragging momma just bragging... but our daughter is very bright, and as far as academics are concerned, she could probably even go to kindergarten this year. Socially, however... obviously a completely different story. Oh, the comfort of staying another year with her truly FABULOUS teacher from last year, (she teaches both the 3 and 4 year-old classes) who not only is fabulous, knows exactly how to handle my daughter, but also has personal experience in dealing with much of what she struggles with. We ultimately decided to go with that teacher's recommendation, as I trust her immensely, and her recommendation was to put her in the 5 year-old class. The bad news is it's four mornings a week, (double what she went last year) she will have a new teacher, and many new classmates. The good news is- I have been told that this teacher is one of the sweetest, kindest, most patient people in the world, and puts her heart and soul into her work. What is also wonderful news, and gives me A LOT of comfort, is that the assistant teacher from last year's classroom will be in the 5 year-old room this year! She is SO GOOD with our daughter and has a very calming effect on her. Our daughter's eyes just lit up when I told her that she would be one of her teachers again this year. So that really helps, along with the fact that her best friend from the last two years is going with her to the 5 year-old room, as well as three other classmates from last year.

My other HUGE anxiety is this whole diet thing in school. It seems to be a very food-oriented classroom... ugh. Lots of bringing in snacks to share for the letter of the week, cooking together, favorite snacks for birthdays... that kind of stuff. It's going to be hard enough when/if she can't have the same snack as the other children during regular snack-time. I'm going to do my best to always have a suitable, similar alternative, but it's not always going to be possible. I plan to send in a snack bin of safe snacks, and the teacher will always let me know what the class will be having for snack time. I will also be trying to make these... wish me luck! Goldfish crackers are a staple in her preschool, and she is REALLY missing them. I bought a teeny-tiny little fish cookie cutter... this should be fun!! :) I also offered to provide the class with GFCF alternatives for cooking when they do cook together, and the teacher was fine with that. So... cross your fingers!!

Speaking of the diet... there have been no infractions in the last two weeks, and nothing has gotten better, damn it. Behaviors actually escalated 5 days before that infraction, (when she ate Goldfish crackers off of the floor at Little Gym camp- ugh) and I checked and double-checked everything. So I'm not sure what's going on. She had a really good couple of weeks, and we were hoping it was because the diet was working! Now, we're not so sure. We just don't know what to think. We have a follow-up with her DAN doctor on September 21, so we're definitely keeping it up until then, and actually we will be keeping it up until at least her second follow-up, which is when we should get food sensitivity results. We will most likely do a dairy and gluten challenge (separately) before we would ever go back to dairy and gluten, and that will basically involve tracking her behavior for a week before doing the challenge, then letting her have a yogurt, for instance, and tracking her behavior for a week or two afterwards (depending what her doctor says to do). If nothing is different than the previous week, then we can go back to dairy, (though we will probably still limit it) then essentially do the same with gluten. I won't change anything else in her diet (based on food sensitivity tests) until we definitely rule-out (or rule-in) gluten and/or casein sensitivities.

This has NOT been easy, though I wasn't expecting it to be. I can handle meal-prep... it's totally no big deal at home. I can handle snack-prep and always taking special snacks, and even coolers full of safe foods for her to eat when we're out and about at events... amusement parks, birthday parties, etc. What I can't handle, or have a VERY tough time handling, I should say... is when she LOSES IT when she can't have something that she wants. Case in point: her cousins' birthday party last weekend. I was SO prepared (or so I thought) with GFCF pasta salad, hummus, corn chips, pretzels, and of course cupcakes and ice cream! I knew they were having a fruit salad and plain veggies, and they were even SO kind as to roast a chicken with no spices on it just for us! How would I have ever predicted that the meltdown would be because they had little snack-sized bags of different chips??? Damn Cheez-Its!!!!!! And I think she wouldn't have noticed if the person she loves most in the world (her cousin who is 6 weeks older than she is- they are basically like sisters) hadn't had Cheez-Its! Well, let me tell ya- she FREAKED. FREAKED!!! It was so heartbreaking. Not only was she screaming and crying... she was saying things like, "I promise I don't have food allergies, Momma... please PLEASE can I have Cheez-Its??" :( It was so sad. She was not happy with the Fritos snack-bag I gave her, and obsessed about the Cheez-Its for a good hour (though the worst of it was over in about 20 minutes). Who am I kidding?!? She was still obsessing about it at bedtime, crying because she couldn't have Cheez-Its like her cousin. :( She has since talked about it at various times, and I do my best to explain it to her, but she's four years-old, you know?  I'm terrified of preschool-friends' birthday parties... goodness, what will I do at Chuck E Cheese, for instance?? ANYWAY... that's that... I am learning that the tough times are out and about, but I can handle that... just can't handle when other kids have something she desperately wants... SHE can't handle that, and that's part of her make-up. I knew from the beginning that this would be our biggest challenge. But... power-on, we will! At least for now.

Wish us luck at school tomorrow!!! :) My big boy will also be starting tomorrow... though it's not "officially" preschool for him. He will still be attending the Mother's Day Out program at our daughter's preschool, though 2 mornings a week this year. It is very much set up like a preschool classroom, and has been REALLY good for him. He loves it, and gets that important structured school setting, plus is learning to be away from Mommy. Who am I kidding? As much as I love my kiddos, and cherish the fact that I am able to stay home with them... the little breaks will be very good for me, too. :)