Today I feel...

a myriad of emotions. That's a pretty normal day for us, where this mommy (and really, this whole family) feels a huge range of emotions. First, I have to say I am PROUD. So proud of my big girl for finally accomplishing a big milestone she's been so anxious to accomplish!! She is completely out of nite-nite diapers!!!! She's been daytime potty-trained for 2 years now, but nights were soooo hard for her. She kept wanting to try, especially within the last few months, but just could not wake up with a dry diaper. In fact, she would wake up pretty wet. Then completely out of the blue the other night, she woke up at 4 a.m. calling for me, which is a typical occurrence, but when I went in- she was ON THE POTTY and HER PULL-UP WAS DRY!!! She peed, went back to sleep, and when she awoke, HER PULL-UP WAS DRY AGAIN!!! She was just so proud, and I promised her if she had a second night of the same thing, that she could try panties the third night! So... success again the second night! Third night... panties. I was a little nervous, but SHE DID IT!! :) Last night was the second night in panties, fourth night overall of waking up dry!!!! YAY for my BIG GIRL!!! She wanted this so badly, as she kept telling me how uncomfortable her pull-up was to sleep in, for one... for two, she wanted so much to be like her cousin, (who is the same age and she is super-close with) who was able to be trained during nights and days at the same time.

I also feel quite BLESSED. Blessed to have two sweet, smart, silly, beautiful, loving children. Is there anything like hearing your four year-old say, "I just love you so much, Mommy"?? Or hearing your two-year old, still learning to talk, say "Mommy home. Daddy home. Sissy home. Happy." Just so, so sweet. I think my favorite part of watching a child grow is seeing and hearing the language development.

Then... the flip side. :) Your two year-old learning to talk... and really mastering the word "NO!" And a very defiant "NO!" with a foot stomp. Your two year-old picking up his sister's bad habits (ugh)... this is an especially difficult one. He's two... so he's not really "getting" time-outs or any attempts at discipline, so I'm struggling with how to handle this situation. And let's face it, his sister obviously has some very bad habits. So... this Mommy is having a pretty hard time right now. The words would be FRUSTRATED and OVERWHELMED.  Some days it truly feels like I'm barely keeping my head above water. I've been in survival mode for a long time now... probably since my son was born. Many days, I am just doing what I can to get us through the day. It's sad, but it's the truth. Many days, I feel more like a referee or a zookeeper than I do a mother. I know this is just a part of being a stay-at-home mommy to two young children, so I try to keep them busy the best I can. But the fact of the matter is, it is pretty hard for either of them to really do a whole lot independently while I try to get the everyday stuff done. For example, my daughter was busy coloring, which she enjoys, but within minutes had completely covered her body in markers. You would expect this from a two year-old, but unfortunately my four year-old has impulse-control issues that I am told are "off the charts..." and things like this happen frequently. So it's hard to not watch her every minute to keep things like this from happening. To say that everything else in life has taken a backseat to our children... our house, our marriage, our friends, our own interests and activities... would be the understatement of the year. But it is what it is, and they have to come first right now. I know (hope) it all will pass, and we will get through this tough spot in our lives, and we will live a new kind of normal that we will all adjust to... knowing that light is at the end of the tunnel really helps.

I'm also feeling GUILTY. For alot of reasons. Which is a whole other post that I will eventually finish. But I guess I wouldn't be a mommy if I didn't feel guilty, right??

I also want to say that I feel SUPPORTED. You are reading this because I shared it with you. And I shared it with you for one, more, or all of these reasons: You have been a good friend to me. You have shown love and compassion to my daughter. You have lifted me up when I needed it. You are important to me. So... thank you. :)